What This Last Year Has Taught Me About Myself & Happiness + A Tarot Spread

That title is unnecessarily long winded but also, right on point because the fact is, I have a lot of talk I want to cram into this post. And on advice of my last tarot reading for myself, I’m not going to try to over control or formulate things.

First of all, who are you? Who am I? We are personalities in physical form who walk around and do stuff. Lots of the stuff we do, we do it because we have to. Almost as if we’ve mindlessly walked into it and now we’re in this endless loop with the inability walk out. Like a windup toy that keeps hitting the wall as if it believes it has the power to break through it. Or as if it would be easier to break through it than find a way to turn around and go another way. Of course it can’t, because it’s a toy without a brain, but that’s besides the point 

Ok, but what does this have to do with happiness, who we are and tarot spreads? Let’s pray we can get to there!

I guess it starts with the question of why we get stuck in these cycles and routines of doing things we hate with people we can’t stand to begin with. And part of me thinks this goes back to not really understanding what it is about ourselves that makes us tick. If you don’t know what you like or what brings you joy, how do you know what to look for? If you don’t know what you’re good at, what your true strengths are, then how do you know what parts of yourself to focus on, embellish and grow?

This can start by simply eliminating what you are not. What are you definitely not? Me?

-I am not a guru.
-I am not a performer. (though I gave this an earnest go)
-I am not an adventurer. (but slowly I'm starting to appreciate nature more so...that's cool, right?)

Now, I could be any of those things if I had the will power to put the required effort into changing myself in this way, but I don’t, so best not try.

What am I?

-I am an observer.
-I am an empath.
-I am a seeker.
-I am a creator.

I am a creator. And so are you. I know this, because creation is possible through any form, using any skill and capitalizing on any interest. This doesn’t have to involve the traditional creative arts. Creation simply means that you take something you feel or sense on the inside, and you materialize it in some manner.

This last year, I’ve learned that above all else, creation and expression are what make me happiest. I’ve struggled with depression and overwhelming anxiety my whole life, so I know what it feels like to not be happy. Because I am so clear on what it feels like to be unhappy, I am extremely tuned in to the subtle shift of energy toward happiness when it occurs. And if I look back at all the times in my life when I’ve been happiest, they’ve also been times when I’ve been my most creative and expressive. Often it doesn’t even matter what I’m creating as long as I’m outputting something. Taking a feeling or idea that yearns to be materialized and make it so. This could be as simple as putting a hole in my nose, writing a journal entry, taking a picture or what have you. As long as I am making time to do something that feels expressive and creative, I’m “good”. When I feel stunted or held back from being able to do these things, I become miserable, resentful, depressed and bored.

The other thing that stunts me in terms of creation, is becoming overly involved in other sources of entertainment. Like an addictive video game, movies and TV. Of course, these things have their place but when I’m using them to stuff the void and fill my time completely, I feel very off course. And there is a difference between genuine sources of inspiration and mindless entertainment. Are you feeling refreshed, energized, optimistic, alive? Then you probably didn’t spend the last 5 hours binging on reality TV. Congrats! (Also, totally guilty!).

So, who are you and what makes you tick? What excites you? What gets you out of bed? Is your life working in harmony with your personality, or against it? These are great journaling points but I’ve also whipped together a little tarot spread to help shed some light, because everything in my world warrants a tarot spread. So this is my offering to creation today!

Tarot Spread: The Divine Self

Card 1 – Essential expression: This is the part of your personality that is most evident and that you are likely aware of and have assimilated most easily.

Card 2 – Shadow personality: This is a piece of your personality that may look starkly different from card one. This is a part of ourselves that isn’t as evident, that we may try to suppress or shoo away.

Card 3 – Inward expression: How you express inwardly or how you experience your personality.

Card 4 – Outward expression: How you express yourself outward and how others perceive your personality.

Card 5 – A notable strength: This is where you inherently shine. This is a part of yourself and your combined personality aspects that serves the highest function and possibly highest purpose.

Card 6 – A notable weakness: This is an aspect of your personality that could use some additional development or which serves as an opportunity. This is an area where you inherently struggle.

Card 7 – Embellish the strength: This card will give you advice on how to continue to develop and utilize your strength.

Card 8 – Improve your weakness: This card will provide advice on how you can make improvement to your challenge spot.

Card 9 – Best suited: This spot examines the way in which your personality best shines, how it is best utilized or what areas of life or even career it fits best.

Card 10 – Worst fit: This is an area of life that is ill fitted to your personality, inherent or as it’s currently presented. This is what you should stay away from or avoid.

Card 11 – Best expressed: Here is your personality culminated into its best possible expression. This should combine inherent, accepted and shadow elements to get a balanced overview of how you can best express yourself inside and out to the world.

I did this spread for myself this morning and it was eye opening to say the least. You can see it on my Instagram (@ spiralseatarot) and if you use it for yourself, I’d love to hear how you make it. I've also added this one as an option for purchase for those who would rather someone else perform it for them, and you can find it here! For reference, it's titled "The Divine Self". 

Julia Eve