I've been on a roller coaster this week and it's culminated with some residual anger and frustration that I haven't yet been able to shake. So the following ruminations come from this space not yet overcome and not yet seen with a matter of distance or perspective.
But, I'm actually okay with this. I know myself enough to know it will pass when it and I are ready and I don't, for a minute, think that a bad few days means I'm a phony spiritualist fronting one thing but feeling and thinking another. But I heard it today, and though likely off the cuff and benign, I played with the thought that perhaps this is what public (or even those close to us) believe. I know we of the spiritual, new age, metaphysically minded community are generally aware that no one is above a mistake, an overreaction or even a full on meltdown. In fact, I think most of us would be pretty suspicious of anyone claiming to be impervious to such normal human reactions. But, I heard it today and so I'm here to work through and share those resulting thoughts.
So for my fellow spiritualists (see: humans) having a shitty day and beating themselves up - you're okay. Being off doesn't make you any less spiritual, or whatever you want to call it. It doesn't make what you do less effective or important for the people who seek you. It doesn't make you less connected to the divine. These hiccups are reminders of the limitations of the place we live and bodies we inhabit and they are our responsibility to confront. Awareness is key, but even when it escapes us, we're still....okay.
With all this running through my head, I was in bed and felt called to do a little lit-divination on the matter with my Seth Speaks series. My finger landed in the middle of a chapter titled "Reincarnational Civilizations, Probabilities And More On The Interdimensional God" (That's a mouthful). The chapter explores "past" civilizations and some of their efforts to evolve themselves as a species. There is one in particular that struck a nerve with me given what I'd been feeling and dealing with prior to sitting down with the book. They called themselves Lumanian and they were entirely adverse to violence on any level. They were also very much a psychic civilization able to communicate telepathically and build energetic walls around their bases. But, due to their aversion to violence, they also figured out a way to alter their physiology to create built in barriers to avoid it. This meant their people were physically incapable of responding violently or aggressively to anything, even a forthcoming attack. If they felt scared, threatened or angry, the response was always to flee. However, because they hadn't risen above the fear, the avoidance of conflict was more of a bypass than the product of a highly evolved community. So you see, in essence, their free will had been stripped as they were unable to react to anything naturally, and because of this, the opportunity to learn, grow and develop also escaped them. Seth describes them as being weak by design, not because of their aversion to fight, but because of their inability to express themselves and ultimately learn through trial and error.
I guess my point in sharing this story is to illustrate that no matter how evolved, no matter how "psychic" or spiritually inclined, it doesn't make you above "it". And, it also doesn't mean that there isn't some inherent benefit in succumbing to "it" - lessons learned, personal development, self awareness etc.
At the end of the day, spirituality is humanity and I don't believe there is anything special about either, because they are one and the same. It is living a conscious, but also faultily human existence, and stopping to judge the experience is quite opposite of any spirituality I subscribe to. You see, my brand of spirituality doesn't come with a disclaimer that reads: "not until..." and "not unless..." Meaning, I don't have to wait to live an attuned life until I overcome every failing and I don't have to wait to live an attuned life unless I achieve some Jesus-like level of mastery. Every minute is an opportunity to be and do and there are moments I can be and do better and there are moments when I'm doing and being the best I can. But, those are my lessons to learn and this is the life I've signed up for - and I'm still okay with all of that.