If you've been following me on Instagram, you may already know that I've been grappling with a shift that's been persistent and apparent since Mercury Retrograde began. It's honestly making me question everything - and because it's not let up over the course of the last couple weeks, I know it's not as simple as a fleeting thought. In fact, what it's bringing up for me are things that have been bubbling in the background for awhile now. Specifically, it's making me hyper aware and also critical of the cycles I've been experiencing that I've ignored up until this point to which I can ignore no longer. I'm being asked to slow down and reassess. To revisit and refocus and that brings me to this; the riddle that's been ruling my existence since that second week in August.
Well, what's the answer? I can't tell you what it is for me just yet, and I certainly can't tell you what it is for you, but what I do believe is that the response, whatever it may be, will be the answer to where I'm (and maybe you're) headed. The reality is, there are simply things that I continue to do even though they aren't my most favourite. And that isn't to say that everything we do must be something we love. There will always be little tasks that are necessary and which are not labours of love. But, that's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about the big stuff; the big actions and the big creations that take much of our focus and attention.
It can become easy to stay the course or status quo and I think somewhere along the line we got fed the idea that if we stop doing something, that we've quit or given up or maybe we're downright non-committal and lazy. But what we rob ourselves of when we maintain these beliefs is the ability to evolve. Using frustration as an indicator can be a great way to tune into these impulses and it's been a key marker for me lately. When I'm frustrated, I'm essentially telling myself that there is a better way or a different way and these are the kinds of message we need to be listening to an honouring! Similarly, when we're continually beating our heads or encountering the same dilemmas, these are signs to take a step back and recalibrate.
Ultimately, there is no shame in taking a time out to figure it out. Personally, I do not want to do simply because I think it will lead me to a particular destination. I want to do because I love the thing I'm doing. Even if it never generates a penny. Even if it gets dropped into a black hole never to be seen or enjoyed by another soul. If I'm to remain authentic and connected to what I'm doing - my focus has to be some combination of what I love and what I'm really damn good at. It is for this reason that I've opted to put my reading services on hold for the month of September (today's the last day to grab one). Not because I don't love them or because I'm not good at them, but because I need space and time to explore the best way I can continue to be of service - because you and I deserve nothing less.
With love, gratitude and magick,
p.s. I will still be around blogging and instagramming, as well courses will remain online - simply readings will be placed on hold through September.