Signs It's Time For Shadow Work
The shadow is a tricky thing. It lives in a language-less land and so it can’t just come out and say, with words, what’s on its mind (generally speaking). Instead, it feeds us in symbols, feelings, sensations, intuitions and other such urgings that can seem vague and elusive.
I can’t say for sure, but I wonder if part of the reason it works in this way is that it simultaneously wants to be discovered while wanting to evade detection. The part of it that desires discovery, is probably the part of it that is seeking expression and ultimately acceptance. But on the other hand, it doesn’t want us to be totally aware of its schemes because then it runs the risk of eradication or further suppression. Let’s face it, we haven’t been exactly welcoming of our shadow parts - I can totally understand why it would be as afraid of us as we are of it!
It is really something of a conundrum that the shadow finds itself in. Perhaps an example of this is when someone commits a crime. They don’t want to be caught and punished, but there may be a part of them that wants to talk about what they’ve done, be known for it or even brag about it (depending on their psychological disposition). While it might be in their best interest to keep quiet and avoid “trouble”, they just can’t help it - they need to write that strange letter to the police, tell a friend or return to the scene of the crime! There is a deeper part of them that wants to be found out. This might be a similar mechanism to what happens with our shadows.
Remember, the goal of shadow work is not to rid oneself of the shadow. It is to integrate it in healthy ways that bring us closer to wholeness.
So, bearing that in mind, how can we increase our awareness so that we can hear the calls from this realm? What are some signs that we’re ready to do the work?
Before we begin, I want to make a preface. The shadow is something which is present within all of us. The list below (not at all conclusive) was designed to speak to individuals who are in a place where they are ready to do this work. Not being ready to do the work is not a bad thing - it simply means it’s not time, and that’s ok! On the other hand, not wishing to partake in shadow work, or feeling disconnected from the shadow self, does not mean the shadow does not exist or that there is no work to do. Let’s not fool ourselves! Shadow work is always available, no matter how “attained” we (think) we are. It simply boils down to readiness and an interest to go there!
A Recognition of Patterns
It can be easy to notice a pattern in someone else and wonder why they keep bumping up against the same issue. Can’t they just stop it!? On a universal level, it makes perfect sense as to why we often find ourselves in cycles or patterns. First of all, we live in a rhythmic world! Everything around us functions on patterns and the repeating of cycles - the moon, the seasons, the stars, plants etc. Why should we be any different? Well, we actually kind of are a bit different! We’re different in the sense that we are not bound to our cycles (the emotional, spiritual and psychological ones anyway) like the natural world is. We have the ability to become aware, self-reflect and choose.
As natural problem solvers, humans revisit their patterns as a way to figure out how they can free themselves from them. If we’re continually coming back to something, it’s because there is still more there to learn! We have to keep going where the lessons are - as insane and painful as that might be.
As we become aware of our patterns and the places we continually visit, we have the opportunity to become curious about what’s going on. In those moments of lucidity, we become aware and are able to ask questions. “I keep dating the same type of person even though it always ends in heartbreak - WHY?” or “I start a fitness regimen with so much enthusiasm, but lose steam in a week - what’s going on?” None of what is happening is inherently “bad”, but noticing a pattern, especially if it’s accompanied by frustration, is an invitation to learn new things about ourselves.
Tarot Card To Contemplate: The Wheel of Fortune
An Increase in Confrontation/Conflict
There is nothing wrong with conflict. Sometimes, confrontation is needed, especially when we’re more prone to staying silent or letting others walk all over us. So, whether you’re conflict prone or not, paying attention to what’s happening interpersonally can give us a lot of good information about what’s living in our shadow. How are we responding to others? How are they responding to us? Is this changing? If we’re continually seeking conflict, that could be very telling. If we’re avoiding it, but finding ourselves embroiled anyway, that could also be very informative. Sometimes, what we can’t face within will manifest without.
“What is discord at one level of your being is harmony at another.”
Tarot Cards To Contemplate: 5 of Wands, 7 of Wands, 5 of Swords
Stagnation or Stuckness
But on the other hand, we shouldn’t mistake a lack of conflict or confrontation with peace and tranquility. There are also ways the shadow can show up and feel like inertia. Perhaps in an effort to detach from our feelings or to not have to face aspects of ourselves, we shut down and instead suffer from boredom, a lack of energy, under-stimulation or reduced drive. When nothing get our attention, perks us up or makes us feel excited, it may be a good idea to try to figure out what’s put out the fire!
Tarot Cards To Contemplate: 4 of Cups, 4 of Pentacles, 7 of Pentacles, 8 of Swords
Strange Dreams
The shadow loves the realm of dreams. If the shadow were a sports team, this would be its home advantage. Here, it can express itself fully and wildly while never really being consciously seen or understood. How many times have we dismissed a dream as “silly” or “meaningless” - the shadow is probably laughing hysterically as it evades detection yet again! In this sense, it has its space (subconsciousness), we have ours (consciousness) and the two never have to connect (even though they should). This might be fine except that we know that even if we aren’t consciously aware of the shadow’s presence or motives, it still has influence over us, and this is where the problem lies.
Now, dreams are “strange” by nature - so perhaps the key here is to pay attention when the dreams are getting even stranger, they contain recurring themes, or they are eliciting strong feelings. What is the shadow trying to communicate? Getting to the bottom of that mystery is like finding the subtitles for a foreign film you’ve been dying to see. It’s finally gonna make sense!
Tarot Card To Contemplate: The Moon
Judgement
Are you finding yourself being hyper critical of others? Are you going out of your way to avoid situations or environments that elicit negative emotions? It isn’t uncommon for our wounds and triggers to take on the form of judgements as a way to protect ourselves from the actual feelings we are having. It can be easier to judge something as “bad” rather than accept we are vulnerable, scared or feel threatened in some way. It’s good to be discerning, to use critical thinking and to set clear boundaries for yourself - those are healthy responses to managing this world (which is truly wacky, don’t get me wrong). However, judgments are different as they take a punishing tone, are cutting rather than constructive, seek to put others down and offer little in the way of empathy. They may also, as a result of all that, leave us with a feeling of righteousness or superiority. If your “constructive feedback” is more about tearing others down rather than finding solutions, it may be time to check your shadow.
For all the things you judge, ask yourself “where in myself do these things also live?”
Tarot Cards To Contemplate: Justice, Queen of Swords
Hiding Parts of Yourself
I think this is actually such a common thing, it’s difficult to see it as a shadow function. It's normal, after all, to hide parts of ourselves depending on the environment we're in or people we’re around. At work, we might not discuss our special interests or personal life. Instead, we shield those parts of ourselves because that's the "professional" and "appropriate" thing to do. Whether it's in our career, in social circles or amongst family - we know there are lots of ways we segment and show up differently.
We're probably trained do this, which is why it feels so natural. But, I will say this - if you're beginning to feel a tension around this partitioning of the self, then that's a sign! If you're starting to get curious about this tendency i.e. asking yourself "why do I do this?", "why does society expect this of me?" "what if I showed up differently or more fully?" - that's also a sign. It doesn't mean the separation of personas is wrong, but a growing discomfort with them might be a nudge that there’s something there for you to explore; that you're ready to wake up to more integration - more wholeness!
Tarot Cards To Contemplate: The Lovers, The Devil, The Sun
And finally, a broader and more general sign that it's time to look at the shadow is the vague, elusive or maybe BOOMING sensation that something is off. Maybe you've been in a slump, feeling super down, sensing a shift is taking place but you're not sure where or why. These confusing feelings may be your soul’s way of saying "something isn't working here and we want you to investigate that!!!".
And remember, shadow work is a privilege and a responsibility. If we choose to embark on it, that is our choice and our journey alone. As we become more clear on these elements playing out within, it can be easy to think we’re also seeing them in others. However, we must be careful not to assume someone is operating out of shadow. It's a huge peeve of mine (which I commit to exploring more later lol) when I see someone accusing someone else of "projecting". I have lots I could say on that, but let me leave with this perfectly eloquent quote by Marie Louise Von Franz.
“One can only speak of projection when doubt arises and that until then, the assertion that there is a projection is not legitimate. Only when within myself I feel insecure can I begin to speak of projection, and not before. Projection implies that I am no longer entirely convinced, that I am already to a certain extent out of the participation mystique; until then, there is no projection.”
Lastly, while shadow manifestations can feel like a nuisance (at best), the good news is if you’re coming into awareness of this force, it must also be increasing its trust in you. It wouldn’t reveal itself unless it thought both you and it were ready for that - and if nothing else, that’s a great indicator that shifts are being made, growth is around the corner and transformation is possible!
More resources to support you on your shadow work journey:
In the Shadow of Thy Wings: A Primer in Shadow Work
Free Self-Paced Shadow Work Program
Exploring The Shadow - A Reading To Help You Discover The Deep
Happy excavating!
Julia & Tim